and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Couch. On fire.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
