Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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