The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
