I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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