i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
