Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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