the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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