I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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