when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she peed on how many people?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
