The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize