I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
