Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
