My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize