2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
