I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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