I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
