No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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