She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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