I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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