In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize