my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
