u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
