thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The uberlube is also flammable
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
