I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
