I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
They took my balls.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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