The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
