the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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