yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
