can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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