we have officially lost it.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There r osticjed everywhere
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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