she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
