so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize