why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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