I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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