from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
