i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize