I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize