Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
