TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
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