Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
