And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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