i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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