i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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