This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
