This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
