Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
