Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize