I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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