Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize