the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
