He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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