sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
