happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
