U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
