i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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