is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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