Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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