need another drink. this is the easiest way
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
