It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
