I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
