if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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