please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
