just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
