judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
