yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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