I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize