you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
