Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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