So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
