This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
