Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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