It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
