yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
