I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize