I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
