Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
