Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize