He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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