im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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