did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
