Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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