Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
