I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
