i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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