She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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