Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
