ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
