Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
