today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
