I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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