why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
