i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
