Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
