how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
