if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we're making bets on your personal life
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
