It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
